What started with a simple post on Yik Yak soon came to grip the entire campus in a standoff between consonants and vowels—with Y caught somewhere in the middle. At 9:53 a.m. on Tuesday a disgruntled student posted the following yak: “Y is NOT a vowel, smh.” Soon Yik Yak was abuzz with indignation, ignorance and bad puns, with students asking  “Y is this such a big deal?” and “all y’s deserve to die.” The original post was quickly downvoted to oblivion, but not before it caught the eye of a certain campus activist. Jymmy Wells, a known proponent for vowel rights, took what should have been a simple shout into the void and created a platform for his latest crusade. Wells, famous for chalking “AND SOMETIMES Y” on campus buildings, was swift to issue a statement of shock and rage: “Crypt, Syphilis, Psychology. All words you simply couldn’t have without Y’s necessary function as a part-time vowel. Y has a place on this campus and Y hatred needs to stop.”

Irritated by Wells’s attempts to capitalize on the crisis, the Vowel Awareness Group (VAG) on campus flew into a frenzy in no time, spreading the hashtag #yisavowel. Another campus group felt that Y visibility was a problem because it promoted the Y chromosome. The cryptic #xisavowel began circulating, which in turn enraged the English department. When asked about the controversy, Dr. Yngram appeared annoyed: “X is not a vowel. Like, no chance.”

Others on campus felt alienated by VAG’s efforts. The Consonant Club, one of Davidson’s oldest institutions, rallied around Wells’s opponents. “Clearlie Wells has no idea what he’s talking about. Y has no place in this alphabet, this world–and certainlie not this school. Not as a consonant OR a vowel.” One campus group even began campaigning to eliminate K from the campus alphabet, arguing that it was redundant. “They don’t even use K in Spanish so why should we?” asked one Hispanic Studies major crying outside the Center for Career Development.

The debate has since been taken from the digital world to the real one. Posters can be seen calling to change Davidson’s mascot from the wildcat to the “wyldcat”–even to change Davidson to Davydson. The Student Government Association  hastily organized a State of the Alphabet town hall meeting, at which the President spoke: “Y is what makes Davidson special. Sometimes I ask myself “Y Davidson?”

After the hysteria finally died down 24 hours later, another anonymous message appeared: “I does NOT come after E. That’s what the government wants you to think.”