The Davidsonian

Davidson’s Love Languages Brought to Life

Winter time is here. The skies are gray, the leaves are down, and ultimate depression time has set in. I don’t know how most people spend this depressive episode, but I do so by reminiscing on all my past failed relationships. Maybe the two of you just weren’t meant to be. Or maybe you just didn’t seriously consider the Five Love Languages. That’s probably where you went wrong. Sponsored by famous marriage counselor, Dr. Gary Chapman, the Yowl has conducted a study on how these love languages manifest themselves on Davidson’s campus. 

If your main love language is Physical Touch, you’re probably an accessibility advocate. You smoothly caress every single open door button across campus the way you longed to be touched as well. You probably pound the button extra hard when you’re feeling a bit more frisky. On the occasion the doors don’t automatically open after your loving touch, you get a little hurt, like the fingers of your lover slowly losing your grasp. It’s a hard knock life. 

If you love receiving Gifts, you’re likely a high profile donor extraordinaire. Throughout your time here, Davidson has given you the endless gift of…of…of something pretty incredible that you place value on. In return, you love donating your parents’ money as a token of your appreciation. 

If you primarily show your love through Acts of Service, you’re definitely an overachiever with imposter syndrome and something to prove. Congratulations, you’ve successfully convinced yourself that if you join twenty different student organizations and are on the E-Board of nineteen of said twenty organizations, you might have value. But you’ll definitely, for sure have value if you do all your friends’ bidding for them so you might want to add a few more tasks to that to-do list. Remember: every time you do an act of service, an angel gets its wings. 

If your top love language is Words of Affirmation, you’re actually a Davidson administrator. Meaningless, eloquent words speak to your soul. You’re a natural at spewing out actionless jargon when it comes to keeping the increasingly disgruntled student body at bay. Chances are you can be found at student forums nodding your head, making “mmm” noises, and regurgitating the Statement of Purpose like nobody’s business. 

Finally, if Quality Time is topping your love charts, you’re no doubt a STEM major. STEM majors constantly make fun of the humanities majors for spending so much time reading, but guess who’s always stuck in a lab day in and day out? Jokes are actually on the humies though, because the time you’ve spent killing rats and using bongs in the name of chemistry has made you a patient, simple person. All you want is to be with your lab and your lab to be with you. 

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