1. Bernie is actually just going to die. Like how many heart attacks has he had already? Two? Five? Do we really want to elect a dead man? You don’t know who his running mate is! Don’t invest in mystery stock, that’s all I gotta say.
2. But not gonna lie, the “I am once again asking” Bernie meme is hysterical, so I guess he’s not the worst choice.
3.With Warren, you get another four years of guaranteed Kate McKinnon as Elizabeth Warren on Saturday Night Live.
4. Pete Buttigieg has only held the position of mayor and did I spell his name correctly? I barely know how to say it. Also I never thought he was cute, just saying.
5. Bernie throwing his hands up in the air at every comment every other candidate makes is my new religion.
6. I wish Cory Booker were still in the running solely because his eyes could entrance me into voting for him.
7. On the subject of Cory Booker et al, I have really been inspired to learn Spanish. Also it seems like a prerequisite if I ever want to run for the Democratic nomination.
8. What ever happened to Oprah 2020? YOU get free healthcare! And YOU get free healthcare! You ALL get free healthcare!!!
9. But hey, not all of the fizzling out of celebrity campaigns were bad. Kanye 2020? Jesus Christ. Pop sensation ≠ competent president.
10.Let’s do the MATH, Andrew Yang dropped out of the running, but he’ll still be on my ballot: voting for him + throwing my vote away = doing something much better than voting for any other candidate
11. Biden! Wow. His teeth are so white. So, so white. Soooooooo white.
12. Amy Klobuchar is 5 foot 4.
13.When searching “does Bloomberg have” on Google the first suggested result is “a chance” and I think that should speak for itself.
14. Trump has decided to switch from the Republican Party to the Democratic Party just to make things a little more interesting for himself.
15. “Honestly, I’m feeling kinda nauseous after having to think so much about the election.”–Every suburban mom
16. Tom Steyer, if you’re reading this, listen: I’m not sure the presidency was ever for you, buddy, but I appreciate what you’re trying to do with your oodles of money. If you want to make a difference to one American, my PO Box is 6241 and I would love to talk about college tuition.