Thoughtful Freshman Invites All International Students to His House For Fall Break

In a gesture of unprecedented generosity, Jack Kobold ‘19 made the sweeping declaration that all international students not returing home this weekend were welcome to “party at his place” during the four-day Fall Break.

Kobold resides in a three bedroom ranch house in the suburbs of Raleigh, North Carolina. But the confines of his tiny home didn’t deter him from extending an invitation to nearly 150 students.

“It’s not just the internationals,” offered the benevolent man of the hour. “West coasters are welcome too. People from Washington smoke a ton, so they’d definitely vibe at casa la Jack.”

However, Kobold’s mother Nancy isn’t too sure about the whole situation. “Sure, I told Jack he could have a friend or two over, but one hundred? We don’t even have enough floor space to house that many people.”

Contrastingly, Kobold’s friends are elated. Owen Wilson ‘16 expressed his gratitude:

“Even though he’s just a freshman, the kid’s got swag. This is going to be the throwdown of the year. Apparently he’s already got a keg stand set up on the patio, and word on the streets is that his dining room speaker set is off the chain.”

The Yowl isn’t one to report on mere heresay, so we sent a correspondant to check out 314 Whispering Pines Lane. True to form, the house is the perfect location for what some have predicted will be “the rager of the century”. The polished mahogany floors are resistant to vomit stains, the kitchen is adorned with fine china that will make for excellent punch bowls, and best of all, there are sliding glass doors and windows on every wall of the house.

When we ran into Mrs. Kobold- the hostess herself- she seemed a bit more resigned to the prospect of welcoming strange college students to her home.

“I pulled out all of his old board games and I’m baking my famous cookies! I’m sure all of our guests will eat them right up.”

When asked for comment, Jack scofffed, “Damn right they will! I chopped up some shrooms into the batter. We’re gonna be trippin’ balls all the way through Monopoly.”

At press time, Nancy Kobold was frantically pouring chicken pot pie mix into a warm vat and had just decadently spread her collection of Southern Living Magazine across the coffee table.

If you’re interested in staying at Jack’s cool pad this weekend, hit him up at 420pimppJackk@yowl.edu.

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