Each year, a cabal made up of elite SGA, Union Board, and PCC members sends out a condescending email to all students containing a ‘Frolics Survival Guide’. Each year, students have deleted this email and dismissed its self-evident suggestions, which have been statistically proven to have zero effect on the student body’s Frolics experience. Each year, the salt of the earth commoners known as The Yowl’s Editorial Board provide our peers with the advice they actually want, nay, the advice they actually need. Without further ado, we present The Yowl’s 2018 Frolics Survival Guide.

1.  Smirnoff.

2. The theme this year is Woodstock, which had the iconic slogan, “3 Days of Peace and Music.” Do not fall for this ruse. We’re not in the Catskills. This is not a landmark event for the counterculture generation. There is nothing ‘peaceful’ about this. This is Frolics. Go wild and never look back.

3. That said, if you can get Jimi Hendrix to replace Moon Taxi, then we’re not stopping you from really embracing the whole Woodstock thing.

4. Be sure to slip a crisp fiver to the first ALE agent you come across. Give him a nice wink and mutter, “Don’t say I never did anything for ya.” A little goes along way with these guys.

5. Re-apply your aloe vera gel every three to four hours. Not all that sunny out? Doesn’t matter. Still lather that oozy green liquid all over yourself. And we do mean ALL over yourself. You’ll thank us later. 😉

6. Go to class completely sober in the afternoon and answer every question and maybe even provide some new insights to the discussion. Listen, we know you’re pulling a D- in Poli Sci. There’s no better time to separate yourself from the pack than when your prof expects the least from the collective group. Throw in a ‘furthermore’ during an illuminating comment. High BAC? More like high GPA!

7. We’re inspired by Always Sunny in Philadelphia here at the Yowl. Take a note from Charlie Day, freshies. If you can’t find a senior to buy you booze, just start huffing paint. Or drink the sunblock you should be slathering on your burned body. Your insides will thank you.

8. Be sure to cut out this article and keep it on your person at all times during the weekend. If stopped by an officer, confidently present them with this document and preface whatever bullsh*t you’re about to spew with, “Well, actually, according to my trusty Frolics Survival Guide published yearly by Davidson’s premier satirical outlet…”

[The Yowl is not liable… for um… anything. Again, not liable. Whatsoever. See the bottom left corner of this page for our official legal statement.]