Student Unwillingly Spends 200 Dining Dollars And Maxes Out Cat Card At Union Café

On September 18, Susanna Johnson walked away from the Union Café with a little more than she bargained for.

Though she entered the eatery with the simple intention of using a meal swipe to purchase a chicken quesadilla and some snacks, Johnson exited the café with what could only be compared to a bulk shipment to Costco.

During an interview with Johnson regarding this turn of events, she appeared baffled:

“I don’t know how it happened. One second I was grabbing a bag of potato chips and the next I had over 50 pounds of bananas. The cashier just kept telling me to grab more, so I did.”

This instance has not been limited to one student. It’s quickly become a widespread economic epidemic. Droves of students can be seen walking away from the Union Café without a single dining dollar to their names and more containers of cream cheese than they can carry.

In order to find out the cause of these seemingly inane purchases, the Yowl conducted an in depth investigation.

Our search began by observing the goings on of students as they made purchases in the Union eatery. To our surprise almost every instance happened the same way as the Johnson case study. A student would go into the Union Café to purchase a burger or a sandwich, but would end up walking away flustered and on the verge of tears with more miscellaneous food items than they could carry.

We had to dig deeper. For our investigation The Yowl recruited Michael Hernon, a first year student, to simply buy a meal without going over the limit. We watched in awe as Hernon went into the Union Café, approached the counter with his Chicken Parmesan.  He swiped his Cat Card and was just about to exit triumphantly when a Café worker uttered something kindly. Hernon twitched, and then proceeded to buy over 60 cartons of milk. In an interview with Hernon after the purchase he could only shake his head in shame.

“I went up the the counter and the woman told me I had two dollars left. I figured I could put her to rest by getting a milk, but she said I had enough money for another. And then another, and another. Before I knew it I had purchased all the milk in the cooler.”

Before we could ask more, Hernon shuffled away tearfully, his only choice to hit up the Commons cereal bar for the remainder of the evening.

Was it social anxiety or simply hypnotism that  caused his excess dairy acquisition? The world may never know.

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