Above: Mediocrity

E.H. LITTLE LIBRARY –– Uproarious laughter quickly turned to unsettling concern this past Tuesday on the first floor of the library as the friends of Pete Danderson ‘20 realized that their classmate was not joking in the slightest when he spoke of how excited he was to attend an Eating House formal this weekend and see “that majestic waterfall of such grandeur and beauty that inspires great awe in me each time I behold it in my travels to the Quarry at Carrigan Farms.”

When asked about the incident, Danderson’s date Sarah O’Hara ‘20 remarked, “I didn’t realize until now that he was actually serious about his intense passion for the beauty of the waterfall and all that. He kept mentioning it all semester––his desire to go see the ‘falls,’ as he calls it. I took his statements as a lighthearted flirtation, but I guess he actually thinks that cheesy fake waterfall is some sort of quasi-divine spectacle or something. I won’t lie, it’s a little bit disconcerting.”

Danderson’s suitemates told The Yowl that their friend spent 27 out of the 31 days in March buckled down in the library, with each study session lasting no longer than eight hours. All this time spent indoors, it appears, has drastically lowered Danderson’s standards as to what qualifies as natural beauty, leading him to conjure up distorted memories of patently unnatural sights such as the Carrigan Farms waterfall.

Mark Stark ‘20, Danderson’s roommate since freshman year, expressed concern for Danderson’s overall wellbeing. “I think we need to get the kid on a DO trip or something. Or even just have him take an afternoon at Lake Campus. Anything to get him out of the library, honestly. I mean, he’s already from New Jersey. He really hasn’t been exposed to any sort of natural scenery, and this thing with the waterfall is just kind of sad.”

The Yowl recently investigated Danderson’s carrel in the library and discovered a series of handwritten poems professing such sentiments as a “deep desire to behold your sublime beauty once again,” accompanied by a series of illustrations of waterfalls. We concur with his friends. This kid needs to get out more.