Student Jumps Through Cookout Window Yelling “I’ll Do It My Damn Self”

MOORESVILLE, N.C.—Reports have been rushing in since this past Saturday night of a local Davidson College student having allegedly jumped through the window of the Exit 36 Cookout yelling, “I’ll do it my damn self.” The student, who is an undeclared junior at Davidson, had reportedly been there since Friday night.

It is unclear how any level of order confusion could have occurred, let alone escalated to this level of customer frustration-induced autonomy, given the simple customer service arrangement of two completely separate yet parallel drive through lines, in addition to a walk-up window. Alternative reports from the ground suggest the possibility that the customer was in no way frustrated with the duration of his wait, but rather truly wished to personally engage in the realization of his Cookout order.

Although motives remain unclear, there is no question that the customer did indeed exit through the driver’s seat window of his 2001 Nissan Maxima, crawl over the hood of a 2016 Chevrolet Camaro and proceed through the easternmost facing drive-through window of the Cookout business franchise, tears and sweat soaking through a form-fitting Second Belk flickerball tank. Upon entering the building, the customer himself did in fact prepare his own chocolate cobbler Fancy Shake™ with Cookout Tray™ consisting of a chicken quesadilla, hushpuppies and homemade slaw. The student then continued on to the cash register, yelled out his number, facilitated a monetary exchange of $7.78 and ensured himself that he would “have a nice night.”

The excitement of 355 West Plaza Drive did not stop there, as the student then returned to his vehicle in the outermost drive through line, turned off the engine, initiated the hazard lights and reentered Cookout through the same window, where he continued to work alongside contracted employees into the night as the newfound collaborative brought the orders of patrons to fruition.

In an early Sunday morning investigation of the event, when asked what motivated him to execute such self-rule the previous night, the student responded, “I wasn’t gonna do it but then I did.” He later added, “Like I was just gonna wait, but then I went and got my food instead cause I was like, ‘I’m hungry now’.” However the student did make clear that this moment of sovereignty came at a price. “I can’t go there anymore, but there’s one on 25.”

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