Psych Department Offering $5,000 to Seniors Willing to Donate Disciplined and Creative Minds for Research

Above: Disciplined and Creative Mind Firing on all Cylinders

E. CRAIG WALL JR. ACADEMIC CENTER –– Davidson’s Department of Psychology, in a joint venture with the college’s Neuroscience program, announced a groundbreaking new research initiative on Monday that promises, for the first time in school history, to scientifically examine the validity of the college’s mission statement.

Davidson’s statement of purpose reads, “The primary purpose of Davidson College is to assist students in developing humane instincts and disciplined and creative minds for lives of leadership and service.” While this axiom has long been cherished by the college and its flourishing alumni community, many professors have recently raised questions regarding the assertion of such a theory without proper scientific evidence.

In response to these concerns, the Psychology Department and the Center for Interdisciplinary Studies’ Neuroscience Program are teaming up to test the theory that minds of Davidson graduates are indeed disciplined and creative.

“We’ll look at a variety of neuropsychological indicators and perform a complete biopsy of the brain tissue surrounding the cerebrum, while also looking at norepinephrine levels in the posterior region of the frontal lobe,” described Dr. Linda McDonald. Dr. McDonald noted that students will be involved in the research efforts, and in more ways than one.

“While we certainly want our Psychology majors to contribute to this seminal research, we also are in need of minds to test. This is why we’re offering up to $5,000 to any senior willing to donate their allegedly disciplined and creative mind after graduation,” explained McDonald. 

The Yowl spoke with several seniors who were considering the opportunity. Said one anonymous member of the Class of 2019, “They say college is the best time of your life, so I guess if it’s really all downhill from here I might as well sacrifice my brain for a noteworthy cause.” Added another senior, “It would be kind of awesome to spend $5,000 during beach week. Go out with a bang, ya know?”

At press time, local authorities were reportedly investigating how Davidson’s Institutional Review Board approved of such a project. The Psychology Department reportedly plans to justify the experiment “for the advancement of the college, the science, and mankind.”

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