PCC Officials Worry Giving Freshwoman Directions to Patterson Court Resembles Unsanctioned Scavenger Hunt

BAKER SPORTS COMPLEX –– In light of recent events, the Patterson Court Council seeks to undergo changes to its hazing guidelines once again. On Monday, January 28th, at 3:33 PM a female first-year student stopped PCC member Nathan Wall ‘19 near the Will E. Wildcat Mascot memorial statue outside of the Baker Sports Complex.  In an act that would send shockwaves throughout campus, she asked Wall for directions to 120 Patterson Court Circle. 

The PCC member pointed the freshwoman in the right direction. It was not until moments after the freshwoman walked off that the court council member realized that his ambiguous directions could have resembled instructions to a hazing scavenger hunt. Wall reports that his directions included scavenger-esque phrases like “around this building,” “shortcut through this stairway,” and, in the most overt transgression of PCC’s hazing policy, “down the hill.”

When the incident was reported to fellow council members, matters intensified when Katy Freewill ‘20 reminded the board that the self-selection survey had only opened hours beforehand. Witnesses say panic consumed the room.

Caught up in an intense moral quandary, devastated PCC members contemplated hundreds of possible ethical dilemmas. What if the scavenger hunt was misguided and caused the freshwoman to be late to her next class, upsetting her academic progress? What if the freshwoman was injured on the way to her destination? What would happen if the freshwoman walked within 50 ft of an alcoholic beverage? Would she feel pressured to intoxicate herself?  

Realizing the seemingly unending scope of this hazing loophole, the Patterson Court Council released the following official statement:

“While we do not intend harm unto our fellow first year students – our positions of great power can result in great consequences. In order to prevent further mistreatment of impressionable underclassmen, PCC members will be removing themselves from all classes that contain first-years, as well as cutting of communications with first-year acquaintances until the end of February. We formally apologize for any trauma that may have been inflicted upon the freshwoman.” 

*UPDATE* 

The freshwoman was later identified as Jane Yak. When The Yowl reached out for a comment she stated she was “surprised to learn that asking for directions to Nummit would cause so much stress,” adding, “and why would I even want to join organizations that don’t allow scavenger hunts? What fun would that be?”

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