Next Year’s New Meal Plan Option: Just Scavenging Through Garbage Like a Raccoon

Pictured: Seth McAdams ‘21 having a grand old time in the dumpster. He found some Gushers! Way to go Seth!

F DUMPSTERS – In an effort to provide alternative dining options to students in the wake of the beloved Union Station’s closing, Davidson Dining Services has announced an exciting new replacement: digging through the f*cking trash for scraps like a f*cking animal. “We’re really excited about this new resource,” stated Dining Services PR Director Cartman Wealth. “We’ve already opened state-of-the-art venues in various accessible locations like parking lots, classroom corners, and bathroom stalls.” Not only is the new meal plan accessible—it’s also in line with the College’s ongoing sustainability efforts. The administration has already provided a list of vegetarian and vegan options that the troughs will provide, including apple cores, whatever the Susty Coop has thrown out, and of course, quinoa. All students can dine 24/7 at select garbage pails using just one meal swipe, with the exception of first years, who are permitted to swipe only between 2AM and 4AM in an effort to avoid overwhelming the staff.