By Rolling Stone 

Photo illustration for Mask Wearing Benefit (Besides the Obvious Ones): Students Find New Kink

Prudent, socially distant Seymour Butch ‘22 finds that he is more turned on than ever now that he is wearing a mask when getting hot and heavy with the senior who is bored enough to have sex with him. It all started when he reached out to the senior, Connie Ling ‘21, to catch up over Nummit. The two really didn’t hit it off any more than they had when they met last spring, but he was pleasant, and we interviewed Connie after, who described herself as being “fashionably desperate.” We at The YowlTM, think many can empathize. According to Ling, “I could be dating an athlete, but he goes to a different school, so it wouldn’t work with Covid. He is real.” The two are ardent rule followers and wouldn’t even flirt with the idea of breaking mask-wearing restrictions to satiate their basic instincts. 

Butch proudly claims that the mask has “really elevated my game in bed. I’ve had to get creative now that my whole [points to his mouth] is out of the picture.” Ling was slightly more forward regarding the encounter, explaining, “I’m not sure he noticed that I was texting my housemate my grocery list while he attempted masked foreplay but it was cool that he thought he was so good.” Ling, who normally bites her nails but has had to turn to using a file, had little else to share about the advent of masked hook-ups. 

Butch waxed nostalgic, as his eyes glossed over, and he looked back on the affair. Butch recommends the masked experience to peers. “It is something that everyone should try at least once. This was an awakening I didn’t know I needed!” As he walked away from the interview, Butch had a spring in his step that hopefully can inspire us all.