Huh, Junior Who Now Speaks Nine Languages Must Have Actually Changed While Abroad

TOMLINSON –– Expressing sheer bewilderment at the fact that their good pal, who by all measures was a patently average human being for the first two and a half years they had known him, repeatedly demonstrated the ability to speak in seemingly innumerable tongues, the friend group of Carson O’Carroll ‘20 collectively agreed that their formerly undistinguished suitemate must have, like, literally been changed by his abroad experience.

“I didn’t believe him at first when he got back from Rome and started texting us all about how he ‘seriously changed a lot from his time in Europe,’” mimicked Sam Rodriguez ‘20, who has been roommates with O’Carroll since freshman year and appeared palpably insecure when describing how he initially disregarded, and even scoffed at, the claims of his now awe-inspiring friend. “I mean who could’ve seen this coming?,”a visibly baffled Rodriguez continued.

Indeed, who could have anticipated O’Carroll’s abroad-induced metamorphosis from an unassuming, scrawny white male to a quasi-divine linguistic savant? Certainly not the rest of he and Rodriguez’s friend group, it turns out.

Said Jason Wu ‘20, who lives with Rodriguez and O’Carroll in Tomlinson, “I was totally shocked. I mean Carson’s a great guy and a chiller and all that, but he was never, like, particularly talented at anything. But I mean, holy shit. Nine fucking languages. I’m still trying to figure out how the hell this happened,” admitted a noticeably astonished Wu.

Sources close to the friend group tell The Yowl that Wu, who plays three instruments, is on the Track & Field team, has great fashion sense, and is generally seen as objectively the coolest member of their squad, has become threatened by O’Carroll’s newfound abilities, fearing that his status may be undermined by this insurgent master of worldly speech.

When asked about O’Carroll’s sudden acquisition of wide-ranging linguistic expertise, Dr. Marie LeBlanc of the French and Francophone Studies Department noted that O’Carroll was “nothing special, a solid B-student” in her French 201 class last Spring, adding that she was “completely taken aback” when she first heard of his fluency, not only in French, but also in Italian, German, Spanish, Dutch, Danish, Portuguese, Polish, and Ancient Greek.

At press time, students who felt like they really gained a better understanding of themselves through their extensive European travels and even went as far to try some new foods were reportedly feeling very insecure upon hearing of O’Carroll’s envious transformation.

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