Honor Council Performs Sting Operation on Potential Chicken Tender Thieves

“There’s documented proof of him stealing a plastic knife without paying for it. This man is armed, and he is dangerous. ”

“There’s documented proof of him stealing a plastic knife without paying for it. This man is armed, and he is dangerous. ”

While the exact details of the operation were supposed to be kept under wraps, a recent leak on Yik Yak revealed the lengths that the Honor Council is willing to go to catch potential violators of the Honor Code.

This controversial operation was performed by the Davidson College Honor Council last Thursday in order to catch potential violators of the Honor Code. After staking out in the Union Café for over an hour, undercover Honor Council members singled out a potential assailant, Mark Zap ‘17. The undercover agents knew he had a reputation as a ‘bad boy’, sometimes taking a few more ketchup packets than would be deemed socially acceptable.

“We have a few reliable sources willing to testify to the quality of Zap’s character,” reported Dilbert Dogood, who spearheaded the operation. “There’s even a tape circulating that provides documented proof of him stealing a plastic knife without paying for it. This man is armed, and he is dangerous.”

After Zap placed an order for four chicken tenders, the agents on the spot stealthily placed a fifth one into his basket. Agents on the scene commented on the dastardly deed that followed:

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“Zap collected his order without even blinking an eye. There was clearly an extra finger! People like him are the real scum of Davidson College.”

Although Zap was given a formal warning of the potential ramifications for his actions, the delinquency didn’t stop there. Agents stumbled upon a veritable goldmine of dishonesty shortly thereafter. The agents discovered that instead of writing his god-given name on the tickets, he had written the name Seymour Butts. Though during an interrogation Zap protested that he had merely committed the criminal act with the intention of eliciting a few laughs from his peers, the Honor Council did not want to set a precedent of tolerance for such intentional deception. With this newfound evidence against Zap, the agents cited him with the possibility of talking to his RA personally, one of the highest punishments they can impose.

The Honor Council formally announced the sting operation as part of their new ‘No Crime Too Small’ initiative. In response to this, there was an extremely negative response among the student body, particularly on Yik Yak. Some commenters protested, “This totally blows” and “Honor Council, this is bullsh*t.” A plethora of Yaks have included the vague tagline, “Free MZ”. Only time will tell if these operations will prove effective in strengthening the Honor Code, or if it will be another just another encumbering bureaucratic program.

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