With some of Davidson’s least desirable living locations, Base Belk and Richardson, undergoing major renovations to turn them into habitable enclosures for students, the college has announced its next beautification project: a complete makeover for its most feared study spot – the basement of E.H. Little Library. 

Affectionately known to some as ‘Base Libs’ or ‘where souls go to die,’ the basement will undergo some major changes to lure more students into its realm. Base Libs regular Georgia Dakota ‘21 told The Yowl she faced harsh criticism from peers for her study location. Dakota explained, “The mere mention of Base Libs was met with phrases such as ‘creepy,’ ‘how do you study down there,’ and ‘do you hate happiness?’” 

Well, no longer will students fear to enter the depths of the library. The school, drawing inspiration from Ty Pennington’s beloved HGTV series, is seeking to transform the dungeon into campus’ hottest new hangout. A bidding war over the project’s funding has lead to quite the impressive name. The center is to be called the “Chidsey-Belk-Little-Davis Basement Library: In Memoriam of Jason Watts,” or CBLDBLMOJW for short. 

The countless rows of bookshelves that made students feel as if someone may or may not be following them will be demolished (MOVE! THOSE! BOOKS! *tears of joy roll down faces of student body*). Hot tubs will line the floors, allowing students to take a relaxing soak while cramming for reviews. For those seeking a study break, the computer lab will be converted into a silent disco where students can dance away the stresses of college life. The new basement will also feature a café offering all the delicacies of Commons: chicken tenders, “fresh” fruit, scoopies, and a VR version of each students’ choice of fried potatoes. 

The new plan even offers a space for those students who sadistically enjoy the current design. Crammed into the back stairwell, this exclusive area retains the “spooky” or “haunted”  essence of the original design. The room will feature one carrel with a flickering overhead lightbulb and a recording of notorious Base Libs sounds, including everyone’s favorite, “Is someone whispering two carrels down or am I losing my god damn mind because no one else is down here.”

With all these renovations, Base Libs is predicted to be the most coveted study spot on campus. Early reports suggest the CBLDBLMOJW will annually inspire 4.7 more kickstart programs at the Hurt Hub. Expected end construction date is around 2037, leaving 2nd floor library users plenty of time to switch their carrel out for one in the updated basement.