Exclusive: Bronze Wildcat Statue Furious with Young Upstart Lux’s Inclusion on Union Cafe’s Digital Ordering Gizmos

Above: Well, we suppose his quote kind of says it all. Go off, bronze king. Speak your truth.

Amidst the return to campus, most students have been absolutely thrilled with innovative updates made to the Alverez Student Union (commonly referred to as Knoblach Campus Center, or “Knobs”). 

Josh Hunter ‘20 summarized the level of campus enthusiasm to The Yowl, stating, “The long lines at the kiosks have really helped foster a great social scene, and the overall fitness of the student body has increased from the amount sprinting back to tables to retrieve cat cards.”

However, one specific member of the Davidson community has recently come forward in solitude to discuss a grave injustice that plagues the new devices. Summoned by a smidgen of dark magic during the last full moon, The Yowl was able to bring bronze statue Will E. Wildcat to life for an exclusive interview allowed to last exactly 66 minutes before unwanted consequences would occur. 

Will E. was excited to be able to have a voice once again. He eagerly explained that his last sit-down interview involved “a secret the class of (19) ‘23 would never tell.” Animated yet austere, he told us tails of years gone by and his resentment of the ever-continuous renditions of himself. “When did traditions become a bad thing?” he exclaimed.

His disappointment was expressed most vividly when discussing the status of home football games and the lack of spirit among the students. “Back in my day, the school would have real wildcats caged at the games. Talk about a roaring stadium, am I right? Your friends wouldn’t be able to handle that kind of thing if you know what I mean.” We didn’t.  

However, the feeling of admiration for days long gone was not shared when discussing Davidson’s standing mascot, Lux. When The Yowl showed Will E. photos of the new screens at Union, Will E. was not pleased. “This kid has been around for what, a year? And gets to be the face of nutrition at this school? Absurdity!” 

Will E. claimed to have had suspicions that this would happen. “The world is so obsessed with technology these days. Now Lux will permanently act as a metaphor for this generation always being on their gadgets. I miss the days when students had to physically hunt for their food on this campus.”  

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