Election Results Strongly Correlated to Poster Quality

The recently concluded SGA elections included a diverse pool of candidates vying for the hearts of their constituents. While many in the running prided themselves on the intellectual mastery of their personal statements buried deep within in the school-wide email, the war was truly won in dormitory halls based on an impressive array of posters.

All of this year’s winners had impressive poster game. A majority of them had color-printed posters and the few that didn’t compensated with appropriate edginess. Franklin Polito ‘21, a prospective art major, was blown away by the aesthetic quality of this year’s collection.

“I definitely notice the effort,” said Polito, tenderly stroking a poster which sported the clever slogan, “Hey nonny nonny, Vote for Johnny”, in the Richardson stairwell with the back of his hand. “Do you how hard it is to strike a balance between pun and platform?”

The most successful candidates were able to spread their messages through a combination of artful design and strategic location choice.

“I went to the bathroom the other day and was pleased to see a poster hanging in the stall” said Jemal Powell ‘19. “The best part was, the picture was of the candidate hugging his sister. I haven’t felt that level of familial comfort on the toilet since I was home for winter break.”

One clever candidate duo created posters depicting both of them together, smiling and in silly poses. While the move saved paper, indicating a clear dedication to their promise to clarify the Union station recyclable items list, it also impressed upon students that the duo had the ability to be happy and have a friend, skills uncommon among Davidson students. Additionally, studies have shown that if a poster has double the candidates, each of them in turn get double the votes.

Despite the emphasis on creativity, some students viewed the election more critically and objectively.

“I voted for the hottest girls and for my friends” said one anonymous student. “I’m trying to cut down the degrees of separation between my romantic interests and me by any means possible.”

Due to the strict bar on campaigning for Honor Council positions, there was much less enthusiasm for the Honor Council elections.

“I honestly rarely think of the Honor Code or the Honor Council. The only time I do is when I’m staring at Ramsay Ritchie’s portrait by the Union printer. His smile, it’s just so, dazzlingly filled with seductive integrity,” said Sally Pfeiffer ‘20. “Anyway, I trust them to handle themselves is what I mean.”