Fauci Ouchie ’37
Davidson College hosted the long-awaited campus vaccination clinic this past Thursday, and it could not get by without stirring up some controversy. Lux the Wildcat, the college’s mascot who rose to power in 2019 after the lion-looking thing was put out to pasture, was among the first to receive the COVID-19 vaccine in the Baker Sports Complex. As a result, an independent investigation has been launched into Davidson’s improper use of their vaccination resources.
Lux received the shot in the early hours of April 1st, but the shot did not seem to be a joke. While some on social media happily shared images of the now infamous vaccination, not all were pleased with the college’s decision to give a coveted vaccine to an anthropomorphic cat. With many real people struggling to find vaccine appointments, the college’s decision to waste a vaccination on the mascot poses an incredible ethical infraction.
Lux (Last Name Redacted for Privacy Reasons) blatantly ignored the countless signs imploring everyone to wear masks, as he confidently bore his bare whiskers in the open air. The @davidsonwildcat Instagram account promoted the callous disregard for COVID protocol, posting multiple maskless pictures of the mascot in close contact with other people, giving a thumbs-up. It was a classic move from the college’s social media team, with a focus on being “trendy” and “relevant” devoid of any type of critical or complex thinking as to the message the post was sending. Despite this hard evidence of a shared responsibility violation, Lux has yet to receive any administrative repercussions.
When asked for a comment, an official from the CDC told The YowlTM, “There’s an actual public health crisis facing our country, why are you wasting my time with this bullshit?” The source has not returned subsequent calls for comment. However, a quick scroll on the CDC’s website reveals that as of now, the FDA’s emergency authorization does not extend to people under the age of sixteen, nor individuals made of hard foam and faux fur.
This investigation remains ongoing.
The Yowl is the satire section of the Davidsonian, therefore any and all information in these articles should be taken as fiction and not real.