It’s a known fact that families of Davidson students look forward to enjoying Family Weekend at the College. However, news of this popular event has begun to spread far and wide. This year, Davidson saw a huge influx of visitors as families entirely unaffiliated with the school came to attend the planned attractions. Marisol Wickers, one of such attendees, explained her motivation:
“It’s called family weekend. Well who’s to say I gotta have a kid at the college to come? I’ve got a husband and two good-for-nothing teenagers, and that’s just as much a family as any other,” she said.
“That’s right,” interjected her husband, Bill Wickers. “Furthermore, we just love the State of the College Address. That Quillen has such a way with words! And it’s nice to know that something’s going well in this world outside of our hometown of Crossville, Tennessee.”
Though pleased at the event’s success, Family Weekend organizers were struggling to keep up with the unexpected amount of guests.
“I mean, I always knew I was good at my job,” confessed Drew Panera, the Family Weekend publicity coordinator, “but not this good! I think what did it was actually a personal Facebook status I posted, mentioning how great I expected the event to be. Well, Grandma Tilly shared the status, then it got passed down this chain of grandmothers until boom! It ended up on a list of ‘Things To Do In The American Southeast This Weekend’.”
Participants in the international festival, a popular staple of Family Weekend, were reportedly working doubletime to provide the masses with traditional cuisine and cultural knowledge. One family was causing a particularly notable strain on the service.
“Our ski trip was cancelled due to inclement weather, but luckily the next best option is just a few states over,” explained George Maki between bites of Ethiopian injera. “Rob knew that Family Weekend at Davidson was going on, so here we are! Who’s to say a group of seven platonic and unrelated dads aren’t a family? This bread is good. Maybe next time we can ski in Ethiopia, eh guys?”
At press time, the Gender and Sexuality Studies Department was scrambling to redefine the term “family” to be just exclusive enough as to avoid a similar situation nect year.