KNOBLOCH CAMPUS CENTER –– ”It’s frickin’ anarchy, man,” exclaimed Davis Cafe employee Don McAvoy. “I’ve never seen such a spike in demand like this, not once in all my years here.”
McAvoy, who has worked in the Davis Cafe for over a decade, has been busier than usual over the past couple weeks, in large part due to the constant shipment requests he has been forced to make to Chiquita Banana Company.
As McAvoy alluded to, there has been a 500% increase in banana sales in the Davis Cafe since the birth of Davidson College Banana Cam (@davidsoncollegebanana), a new Instagram account that has garnered nearly 300 followers in just two weeks.
The account, which features Davidson students eating, holding, and interacting with the delectable yellow fruit first domesticated by farmers in Papa New Guinea, is the latest online platform to provide students with the opportunity to gain campus-wide fame and comedic clout.
As a result of the account’s sudden surge in popularity, students across campus have been desperate to get their hands on the coveted fruit. With some students beginning to resort to extreme methods to procure the peel™, the Davis Cafe has succumbed to extreme banana scarcity, according to McAvoy. This shortage has had a ripple effect across campus.
The Health Center told The Yowl that the limited supply of campus bananas has impacted their Sexual Health lectures. “The loss of our main prop has been a big blow to our programming,” admitted Health Educator Brianna McFruttington ‘19.
The fruit, which is a part of the Musaceae family of herbaceous flowering plants native to the tropics of Africa and Asia, and its newfound popularity have led to some unwanted side effects. Overwhelmed by the allure of the golden delicacy several students have engaged in overconsumption, leading to multiple hospital transports due to potassium poisoning.
Despite the apparent risks associated with the rise in fruit-based self-expression, the majority of students remain undeterred, eager to make their mark on the Davidson community.
“This account has given every student an equal chance to rise from campus commoner to campus celebrity,” remarked Anna Ban ‘20, “You’d have to be a fool not to capitalize on this opportunity.” Ban was later seen in Akers taking several mirror selfies with a banana.
At press time, an account called Davidson College Dumps (@dsonpoopoo), which appears to feature (and rate) student-submitted shits from bathrooms around campus, had gained over 200 followers in under an hour, threatening Davidson College Banana Cam’s Instagram supremacy.