The Yowl

Davidson Fun Inflation Lowest In The Nation

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In a recent report by “U.S. News and World Report,” Davidson College was rated the lowest in the nation for fun inflation. Davidson has finally beat out institutions such as West Point and the Eastern Piedmont Penitentiary for having the least amount of all-American fun. This new ranking is aRead More

Junior Hosts First Ever Midterm-Themed Party

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This past Tuesday evening Sarah Spalding hosted a party which, according to her was “ Only the best idea I’ve ever had.” In a text sent to over a dozen friends, Spalding wrote: “Hey y’all, I’m having a midterm-themed party in my room at 7. Bring your books or whateverRead More

Unsuspecting Student Reportedly Opens Chamber of Secrets

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While relieving himself in the middle urinal of the Union bathroom this past Saturday, unsuspecting freshman William Williamson accidentally unsealed a magical trapped door and opened the Chamber of Secrets.  “I was confused, more than anything,” Williamson explained. “I wanted to catch breakfast before it closed so I was kind of in a rush,Read More

Thoughtful Freshman Invites All International Students to His House For Fall Break

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In a gesture of unprecedented generosity, Jack Kobold ‘19 made the sweeping declaration that all international students not returing home this weekend were welcome to “party at his place” during the four-day Fall Break. Kobold resides in a three bedroom ranch house in the suburbs of Raleigh, North Carolina. But the confines ofRead More

The Theory of Evolution Does Not Believe in Texas

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In a controversial tweet posted yesterday morning, the Theory of Evolution announced that it did not, in fact, believe in Texas. Responding to a history lesson its son sat through on the Battle of the Alamo, Evolution tweeted, “I don’t want government conspiracies like this so-called “Texas” being taught toRead More