Campus Technocrats Seek to Rid Davidson of all Forms Artistic Expression Amid Wall Slideshow Controversy

THE INTERNET –– Once a hotbed of fervent political disputes and passionate potato preference squabbling, the Davidson College student Facebook group has remained relatively dormant in recent months. This past week, however, saw a surge in controversy after a poll posted in the group highlighted the “creepy, weird, and distracting” visual art featured on the large screen in the atrium of E. Craig Wall Academic Building. 

The poll revealed attitudes of discontent within the student body, particularly among students in STEM majors who frequent Wall for various science courses. Several students interviewed by The Yowl noted that the presence of the visual art had a “negative and statistically significant” impact on their learning experiences, with one student even going as far to imply that a particularly “disturbing” piece of art had a strong causal effect on his subpar Biology review grade.

Some students expressed more ideological concerns. “E. Craig would never had wanted this,” remarked Molly Cule ‘21, “everyone knows that good old E was a champion of the hard sciences. The fact that there’s anything other than the Periodic Table of Elements up on that screen is, frankly, disrespectful to his legacy.” Cule continued, “Dr. Wall was a visionary, a multiplication maverick, an early exponent advocate. He understood that proving theorems is more valuable than painting water lilies.” 

Cule’s comments have resonated with the majority of the STEM community at Davidson. A source, speaking under the condition of anonymity, told The Yowl of a GroupMe message entitled “End the Art” that allegedly contains detailed plans to rid Davidson’s campus of all forms of artistic expression. One member of the chat, Pythagoras Evans ‘20, suggested that the group of activists make a bold statement by tying Chambers’ crouched metal man statue to his truck and tearing the structure down. “Why don’t we just use poly-bicarbonate mercury serum and melt the damn thing down?,” replied Kevin Erlenmeyer ‘22. Erlenmeyer’s message received 18 likes and one “^^^” reply, suggesting that the group will go forward with the latter strategy.

Our confidential source tells The Yowl that the anti-art coalition plans to start by dismantling any forms of art in academic buildings, and then stage a series of coup d’etats at the VAC, Cunningham, and Duke Family Performance Hall. 

At press time, one onlooker told The Yowl that she saw several ringleaders of the anti-art bloc outside of Wall standing in absolute awe of the beauty of the orange Wind Sculpture (SG) with a clear blue sky in the backdrop. “Sh*t, maybe we should rethink this whole thing,” one student reportedly muttered.

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