By: Mason Dixon Line ‘23
Fellow Wildcats, it’s that time of year again. Nigh is the infamous tradition known and loved in universities throughout the country: the ‘Wednesday/Thursday mid-semester break.’ Whether it’s your weird cousin, movies, or legendary stories from much-older students still dwelling in the past, the hype surrounding this uniquely American tradition can be hard to live up to. For those readers who feel anxious about making the most of their Wednesday and Thursday off, you’ve come to the right place. Here are three keys to maximizing your break and dodging that FOMO.
As any beach-bodied, red solo cup’d, mid-semester break movie can tell you, you’re going to want to be drunk for the entire two days. 48 hours of freedom and you need to be intoxicated the entire time. Seeing as drinking outside is considered open carry and will get you slapped with a COVID strike (the scariest of all punishments), your best bet is going to be to stay inside, in your room, alone. What you drink is personal preference, although if you’re looking to maximize your dollar to drunk ratio, we highly recommend slamming Keystones. Since it can be a bit lonely drinking in your room by yourself, you’re going to want to turn on some good tunes and rock out. For this, we recommend Jimmy Buffett’s classic hit “It’s Five O’Clock Somewhere,” or the soundtrack to Wallace and Gromit, The Curse of the Were-Rabbit. Here’s a sampling for you:
Equally as canonized and essential to a well-spent mid-semester break: the sun. It’s a scientific fact that as the UV index increases, so does quality of life. However, given that the sun is currently on a leave of absence from the town of Davidson, we’re going to have to get creative. Solar lamps are only about thirty bucks, and if you look straight into yours, it will leave a spot in your vision, just like the real thing. If you can’t fork over the cash for a solar lamp, we highly recommend drinking a refreshing Sunny-D. If all else fails, at the very least you can turn your computer brightness all the way up and pull up a fullscreen stock-image of the sun. If you’ve followed the first step properly, you should hardly be able to tell the difference.
Now that you’ve sipped a little Keystone and soaked up that Vitamin D, it’s time to hit the water! Lake campus has finally reopened (thank you so much COVID Care Team, this has fixed all of my problems!), so slide into your swimsuit and mosey on over. Fear not if the weather is cold, the water will be warm and soothing thanks to the McGuire Nuclear Station’s generous temperature control. Make sure not to wear anything white, since it will without a doubt stain brown, and try your best to not swallow any water. If you do not know how to drive or don’t have any friends with a car or tandem bicycle, we have another tip for you. Physical Plant has plans to repair all of the sewers on campus over the break, which means all of the manholes will be open to everyone 24/7. Davidson’s sewer system has been called “the most epic wasterslide to ever be installed on any college campus,” by multiple credible sources – this is your chance!
We hope you have a restful and relaxing break, Wildcats! We care about you! For any other recommendations make sure to contact you local Yowl Editor!
The Yowl is the satire section of the Davidsonian, therefore any and all information in these articles should be taken as fiction and not real.