7 Things to Buy at CVS that aren’t Tampons, Pregnancy Tests, Butt Wipes, or Condoms

CVS –– It’s that time of year again, folks. No, I’m not talking about midterms. I’m talking about when you’ve run out of all the essentials you initially came to college with that your mom bought you. 

That’s right, look at the toothpaste on your sink counter, it’s almost completely empty, yet you still think you can squeeze some out of it. Ladies, we’ve been here a couple months, and that tampon box is looking dangerously empty. Freshmen guys, admit it. That condom box is full, but you do need more floss. 

Well get ready, because here are seven things you need to be buy from CVS next time you saunter on over. 

1) Kleenex:

Make sure you cry into Kleenex your next take home midterm, so you don’t get points off for water stains over every page

2) Cheap makeup:

Yeah, sure, the makeup is probably not cruelty free and will most likely make you break out the next day, but that eyeshadow palette is only $7.00. Plus, if you break out just buy more cheap makeup to cover up blemishes like blackheads, dark circles under eyes, and the crushing expectations to succeed. 

3) A number of products you’ve seen on QVC but weren’t impressed enough to order over the phone:

Nothing says conspicuous consumption like buying a non-stick infomercial pan  that you will never use, because you evidently don’t cook.                                                                                        

4) A sense of purpose:

Check aisle 12 behind the diapers. You’ll find your sense of motivation and self-worth there too.                     

5) A Huge Box of Saltines:

The most pleasurable way to silence the soft sobbing sounds of being a college student is to just stuff your mouth-hole with as many saltine crackers as you can fit in your trap. 

6) Control Top Spanx:

When everything in your life is out of control, throw on a pair of drugstore control top spanx and feel the warm, restricting embrace of spandex and your new svelte physique. (Plus no one will know you’ve been drinking approximately 5-7 beers every weekend) 

7) Cool socks:

Because nothing says cool like Halloween themed socks you bought at a drugstore approximately a month prior to the actual holliday. 

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