Photo Illustration for “7 Internships For the Underachievers Who Don’t Have Anything Lined Up Yet.” 

Camp Counselor ’23

For all those who have recently become extremely well-versed in the realms of LinkedIn and Handshake, we can tell you’re getting nervous. Hell, there are two weeks left until the end of the semester and you’re still favoriting jobs… It feels like everyone around you is doing something with their summer whether that’s being a camp counselor, interning for their dad (nepotism), or they somehow earned their summer position on merit (that’s very rare — congrats if this last one applies to you). Well, for those of you that nothing has miraculously materialized for we have a list of AMAZING internships you should definitely apply for — you know what they say: throw your hat into the ring and the lion will come?  

  • Funeral Home Internship  
    • Love the smell of death and decay? Interested in one day becoming a mortician? This may be the internship for you! Your days will be spent mostly in solitude and you will be required to carry around a candle as your only source of light during the night. Housing is provided, but if you’re claustrophobic our coffins may not be right for you. 
  • The Disney College Program  
    • Are you the annoying friend? Do you love all things Disney to the point that others throw up when they hear you talk about it? Come join the Disney College Program! Spend your summer in the sweltering heat and humidity of the swamp-land that is Florida at Disney World Resort. Meet your favorite characters and one day put on the suits yourself! Disney reserves the right to force you to play their culturally insensitive characters, but that won’t bother you, you’re a Disney fan through and through. 
  • Yowl Summer Writer Intern  
    • The ultimate summer internship…Love reading The Yowl? — if you’re down this far in an article, then probably. Become a writer yourself. Although the Davidsonian doesn’t publish over the summer and there will be no content to base any stories off of, the two current Yowl editors believe a talented try hard could come up with something. Our only requirement is that you communicate with us via pigeon and we will send our edits back via owl until we are satisfied. 
  • Join the Amish! 
    • This may be the most eccentric item on this list, but maybe the most fulfilling. Tired of the dregs of social media and the 21st century? Abandon them! Join the Amish this summer for some butter churning fun. The only requirements are that you provide your own bonnet and marry into the family — but who wouldn’t want a nice, awkward, Amish boy who desperately needs to stop letting his mother cut his own hair? 
  • Whaling 101: Moby-Dick’s Worst Nightmare 
    • And the piece de resistance of this whole list: become a whaler. “Blah, blah, blah, Global warming” and “blah, blah, blah, the environment.” That’s all anyone talks about nowadays; we say fuck that. Let’s kill some whales. The frustration of 2020 & 2021 have actually give you the right to murder and maim animals — so why not take it out on the biggest mammals on Earth? The only catch is, you will need to sign a four year binding contract and you might lose your leg — but the reward of a sperm whale makes it all worth it. 

These are, of course, all unpaid — but who needs to pay bills or rent??? With all the experience you’ll be getting, none of these will even guarantee you a job in your preferred field! Put yourself out there and apply — the worst they can say is no.  

The Yowl is the satire section of the Davidsonian, therefore any and all information in these articles should be taken as fiction and not real.